Water says to the one who has gotten dirty: “Come”.
The dirty one answers: “But I am so ashamed”.
Water answers, But how will you get clean without Me?”
Rumi
This poem is only 3 lines, but it goes deep within me. I was brought up a Catholic and sin (to be “dirty”) was drilled into me as something that, to the Creator, makes me shamed, lesser than, diminished, not whole. Therefore I think shame operates under the surface with me at times. Because when I do something wrong, I judge myself as diminished in God’s eyes, and not worthy to turn to God for love and healing. Sometimes I turn toward God, for healing… sometimes I turn away, in fear I’ve done something unforgivable.
Let’s reframe “sin” for a moment, as something I do that impacts my potential, my journey, my path in a negative way. In other words, what I do affects me, even changes me, and not in a good way. It doesn’t change God though. I do think it affects God, as I believe God suffers right along with us. That’s the meaning of Jesus to me – He demonstrates that God suffers with us, in solidarity with us.
So “sin” interrupts my journey toward God. It prevents me from reaching who God created me to be. It stops me from being close to God. It has nothing to do with shame, or judgement, or even this loaded term “sin”.
Yet, if I turn back to God, not in shame but in the recognition that only God is perfect, I am not, then I am turning toward healing, toward resumption of my path, toward love, which heals all. I am not diminished by my actions, I am, still, loved.
But my healing remains illusive if I turn away from God, and bury my head in shame. It does no good for me to do that. All that does is reduce the possibility of healing and experiencing God’s love.
Maybe in those times of “shame”, by turning away from God, I’m demonstrating that I’m not all in – all in with God. God accepts the good and bad in me – I believe that – but maybe I don’t. I couldn’t, and be all in at the same time.
If I accept, and believe with all my heart, that God is all love and all healing and that God desires me to look toward God, even in failure, for love and healing, then I’m all in.
I want to be all in.
Peter